Friday November 28th marked my 5th year working black friday at my store. Honestly I never saw myself working past the first one I was involved in, but here I am five years later. This year the line outside our store stared Wednesday at 6:00pm, so yes there are people willing to sacrifice an entire holiday sleeping and sitting outside a store in temperatures that didn't get much above 35F. In the past five years I've only seen one fight ever happen, but I have however encountered hundreds (I know this number is not an exaggeration) of angry customers who eigher don't come prepared for what the day is all about, or who think that the rules of black friday don't apply to them. After five years here are some of the tips I can give to you:

1) If you want a good deal, show up early, very very early.

2) If you don't follow number 1 under no circumstances scream and and yell at store employee's that you didn't get the deal you wanted. Trust me we want you to get the product you want and get out of there as soon as possible. It's easier for both of us.

3) Don't try to skip ahead in line. Black Friday lines are very good at self regulating. If you try to skip in line, you will get yelled at. Also dont use the line "i only have a few things, can I go to the front of the line?" I've heard that question for the last two years while I've been regulating the line, and I will never, ever let you go th the front.

4) Don't abandon your cart. Its just rude and gets in everyone's way.

5) Just stay home, watch the ads, you can find just as good deals if you are patient. Or try the website and pick it up later.

6) Don't come to the store at open expecting there being people there that can help with returns. The line blocks that part of our store every year, and every employee we have is trying to help customers ringing out.

7) Never ever start a fight.

8) We may be busy but don't try to steal, we are not feeling charitable on that day.

Wall E is a terrifying film

Let me start by saying I love Pixar films, every single one of them. Howerever there are a few things about Wall E that really made me cringe. First the movie had self aware robots, and I have never seen that be a good thing, just ask John Connor. Really though those robots aren't nearly as big of a problem as is the fact that the new society on Earth has no idea how to sustain their own life outside of their spaceship. The Captain tells the kids that they can grow pizza trees, this is not a good sign. These problems don't really concern me nearly as much as really the big problem they never address. The movie presents the same group of people living on a spaceship for 700 years. For those of you that have seen the movie you know that this society is made up of people that have gotten very big due to increased laziness. So you have a lazy group of people confined to only each other. Obviously the waste problem should be a huge issue, along with the problem of what to do with the deceased would be very difficult. Yet my biggest concern is that fact that these people only have each other to reproduce with for 700 years, this would obviouslylead to 3 eyed, two toed offspring, but nope not in this movie, and that is my biggest concern.

Customer Satisfaction

According to a new survey by Men’s Fitness and Shape magazine, 85-percent of guys think of themselves as “good” or “excellent” in the sack. However, the same survey reports that half of women think “very few” of the men they’ve been with have been good in bed.
Additionally, seven out of 10 women admitted to faking orgasms This also happens to be the exact same number of men who believe they give women an orgasm every time.

Just thought I would share.

The Holiday's died a long time ago

I've been working retail for five years now, which means we are quickly approaching my fifth black friday. I will save another post for how I feel about black friday, the point of this short post is what is my new favorite holiday. And that holiday is Halloween, and Halloween should be all retail employee's favorite holiday. Over the course of the next month we are going to be getting up early, answering the same questions thousands of times, get yelled at thousands of times (last year alone I was told I ruined christmas at least 20 times) and have to sacrifice time away from our families so others can enjoy time with there own. But this doesn't happen with Halloween, there is no pressure, nothing to ruin, no insane sales with thousands of peoples running and screaming. At my age Halloween is still about candy, beer, and hot girls wearing very revealing "costumes" long live Halloween.

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Overheard

Although today was overly busy, I was spending enough time at customer service to hear a customer say this:

"I'd like to exchange this ipod for an mp3 player"

Think about it.

Sign of the times

Today a women's total came to $666 dollars. Normally I would not waste time writing about something as mundane as this, except that she demanded that the price be change because she didn't feel comfortable with that number being her total.

I deal with a wide range of people working at customer service. In face customer service is like the U.N. of the retail world. We deal with customers from every corner of the consumer world. Generally I like to help out this wide range of people, and do what I can to help them out. But once and a while I run into what I suppose would be the North Korea of customers. This last week was one of the more odd encounters I had. A woman walks up to the counter with her hands almost folded. Obviously holding something in her hands she gets to the counter and sets down a small melted ball of black goo. I looked at it closely, then to her, then back at the ball of goo. After a moment she broke the silence with the last think I expected her to say, "I want to return this." I stood, almost unable to speak, I just stared at her, to which she said again "I said I want to return this" louder this time like I hadn't heard her the first time. All I could muster to as was "what is it?" She then went into a story of how she had a music card that you redeem online by typing in the code on the back. Unfortuneatly she has set a hot metal pan on it and it burst into flames, causing the plastic to curl up into the black goo I saw before me. I had the unlucky task of having to explain to her that I can't return something that has been lit on fire. I assumed this was a resonable response, and I was wrong. My response sent her screaming and yelling at me about how I don't know anything about customer service and we should learn how to treat customers better. All I could do was sit there and take this screaming. Thats pretty much the story, so just remember: I will return most things not on fire.

From time to time our favorite personalities may decide it's time to take a break from their day job and take a stab at the small screen. For the most part I consider these attempts to be a disaster. (I'm looking at you How I Met Your Mother) But other times it can end up being a pleasent almost even enjoyable surprise. The following is a list of some of my favorite guest appearances from big names taking their shot at the small screen.

Zooey Deschanel

You know her for: ELF, The Happening
Your should see her in: Weeds

Zooey Deschanel has spent most of her time in the movies
I’ve seen playing the role of your average girlfriend, or object of desire by a overgrown man elf. In fact, she is the kinda star that has the girl I could actually bump into on the street look and personality. However once I saw her in brief guest stint on weeds that was thrown away. She plays a free spirited wanderer who we think we all know or have in our life, but she is above and beyond any hippie that I have ever met. She walks a line of sex addict, maybe drug addict, and wild irresponsibilit that ultimatly leads to her leaving a 8 year old by himself to drive a van when she meets a trucker she wants to run away with.



Most Memorable line: “ I want to lick the spot where you toes used to be”







Daniel Radcliffe

You know him for: Harry Potter
You should see him in Extras

Extras is the kind of show that makes me want to believe that British television is superior to US television. Every week this show managed to get A list superstars to make complete fools out of themselves and do a great job at poking fun at actors and ego's at the same time. While I enjoy almost every episode of this show (to me the final send-off christmas episode was its' weakest) none made more laugh more than the image of Harry Potter running around a movie set trying to seduce the female extras, and being terrible at it.


Most memorable line: "I've done it with a girl. Intercourse wise"









Peyton Manning


You know him for: The NFL, A Superbowl


You should see him in: Anything he does outside of football


I always associated Peyton Manning with the stiffest personalities out there. The way he waves his arms around like an air traffice controller, and his almost inflectionless post game interviews really made me believe he may be a robot sent back in time to kill John Conner. But then he started doing commercials, followed by Saturday Night Live in which he mocked his own commercials. I searched all over to find a copy of his united way add to post here but it appears NBC has managed to make it dissapear off anything they don't own. Do yourself a favor and seach it out, its worth your time.



Your Favorite Celebrity

You know them for: Your favorite movies

You should see them in: Foreign comercials you were never meant to see.

It's long been an accepted practice in hollywood for big stars here to film commercials overseas shilling products they wouldn't be caught dead endorsing here in the states. These opportunities have, in the past, given these stars a chance to gain some extra money without resorting to tactics that would get them looked down upon by their peers on this side of the ocean. And best for these superstars they never had to worry about these mostly japanese spots ever airing on U.S shores. Well the uprising of youtube, and more importatnly Japander.com have made sure that we now get to enjoy these commercials over and over again. I encourage you pick your favorite star, head over to japander.com, and enjoy stars humiliating themselves for the almighty yen.

Today I saw a facebook profile under the people you should know link. According to facebook I should know this girl, as well as how far dialated she currently is. Just the science of this alone boggles my mind. Did she have a laptop with her in the delivery room? Did she continue to type as the baby crowned? Did she do the typing herself? Did she have a midwife? I want to know, but also never ever want anyone to use facebook for this purpose again.

If I give you money, will you please go away?

I'm usually not one to follow the celebrity circus too closely. However recently it has come to my attention that Diddy has recently taken a break from ruining music and tv and focused his attention on the internet. You can witness his genius here and here. Yeah thats right, poor Diddy has to fly comerical. He can't spend the money on his personal jet. Oh and apparently there are no black people in Alaska. I can't wait to see what Diddy teaches me in his next blog. I just hope he spends some of the money he's saving flying comerical on a new Vote or Die campaign.

Stupid question of the week

Well it was only sunday but I think I have a winner for the dumbest question of the week:

Customer: Hi I have this coupon for a Garmin GPS, can I use it on something else?

Me: No

Customer: Why not?

Me: Because its for a Garmin

Customer: But I dont want that.

All I could do was stand and stare at her confused until she walked away.

Corporate Week

About once a year I get the privalege of visit the corporate offices of the company I work for. And I've noticed some disturbing trends there:

1. The employees never smile, for any reason, ever.

2. There are alot of pretty people that I never see doing any type of actuall work.

3. Once they find out you are from a store, they ignore your opinions.

4. They know less then the company about me.

5. I never ever want to work here.

No we don't have any WII's